A Month On...

It's been a month today. A month since my ex-boyfriend tore my heart into pieces and shit all over it.

I'm ok I think... I mean, I'm still hurting and everytime I think about what's happened, it feels like part of me is dying, but I'm ok.

I was at the university club a couple of weeks ago and I saw my ex there. He was enjoying himself but I hardly recognised him. He seemed cocky. Full of himself. He seemed like he had this massive ego. And my ex was not like that. He's become someone that I would never consider going out with. I don't recognise him anymore.

Whilst I was at the club, I saw him put his arm around a girls shoulders and then later on put his arm around a girls waist (whether it was the same girl, I don't know). I felt so sick. I felt betrayed. I felt confused. Was he doing this because he knew I was there and wanted to show me he didn't give a shit? Or had he actually moved on? I shouldn't have cared. But I did.

So I followed him outside to where he was having a cigarette and I threw my drink over him.
"You alright? You cheater!" I yelled at him. My blood was boiling. Everything seemed to make sense now. He had cheated on me during the end of the relationship. That had to be it. It had to be. You don't just fall out of love with someone for no reason. You don't mess with their heads for no reason. You don't just suddenly feel like you're not ready for a relationship after 2 years. And you don't kiss another girl a few days after we break up. You just don't. He had to have cheated. Scumbag.

"What the fuck?!" he said and I smiled, walking away. I picked up my coat from the cloakroom and walked back to my flat, smiling to myself the whole way, feeling triumphant.

If he wants to be a cruel, whorish, little boy then he can be. I'm living my own life now.

I'm leaving my university and I'm transferring to a different one. Not because of my ex so don't start yelling at me. I wouldn't let a dickhead like him stop me from getting my degree. No. I haven't been happy with my university course since September, so after looking into different universities, I've found one that I really really like.

I've got nothing tying me down to that university. I haven't got a boyfriend anymore, yes. And it is lonely sometimes, but I can now concentrate on myself and not have to worry about if he's going out and cheating on me. I'm getting on with my own life.

I'm surrounding myself with all of my friends and family that truly love me and truly respect me. My friends have been there for me so so much over the past month and I cannot thank them or love them enough for what they have done.

My parents have been bending over backwards to make sure I'm ok and have put up with my many mental breakdowns. I'm so grateful.

I'm not ready to meet anyone new yet. Sure, I've been approached by attractive guys and flirted with and I may have flirted back slightly, but I'm not interested and I won't be for a very long time.

I thought my ex was the one. I thought I would have a life with him. But now, he's ruined any chance at all of us getting back together. I'm not taking him back. No way.

So it's time to move on. Put all this crap behind me and start putting the future of my education into perspective. It's time to become the journalist that I know I can be.